ENGL 103: M38: Fatherless Children

It has been almost 10 years since that tragic day my dad died. After that day I thought it would be very different for my sisters and me. There are more than 24 million children without fathers in the US and I am one of them. My life wasn’t changed too much after that. I didn’t want to be another black fatherless child. 6.5 million of the 24 million children without fathers are African American. My mom didn't want to be another black woman without a husband either.

I've grown to notice that life isn't that bad without him. My mom functions as both; however, she’ll never be him. She knows that though. People assume that it’s so hard to grow up without a father but the child can overcome it. Many daughters without their father are more likely to drop out of school, suffer from depression or other emotional disorders and mask their pain with increased promiscuity. A good father will teach his daughters what men should be like and protect them. In my case my mom has taught me what men are not supposed to do. Sometimes she knows what she’s talking about but sometimes she’s just being old fashioned. This topic is important to me because it has made a tremendous impact in my life. Many of my friends don't understand what it’s like not to have a father to talk to anymore. Sometimes my friend complains that her dad is a certain type of way, but she forgets that she’s talking to someone who doesn't even have one to complain about. Being without a father has just taught me to try harder to accomplish my dreams.

What also can be hard is when your father leaves you or when you never knew him. Fortunately, I got to interact with my dad half of my life. As a child, I would have felt betrayed if my dad would have left my family instead. A big thing the child does is blame himself for his father leaving. It’s not the child’s fault that the father left, was never there, or even died. The only thing the child can do is accept reality and work towards being a better person.

There were segments for fatherless children on Oprah. In the segment Iyanla Vanzant talks about how the child may feel, how the child can heal from their loss, and what the parents can do to help. Iyanla Vanzant is an African American spiritual speaker who focuses on helping people reclaim, redefine and recreate themselves. I thought the segment for daughters was helpful but I also thought the one for sons was helpful to watch as well. I thought it was helpful because Iyanla asks questions that people wouldn’t normally ask themselves because they don’t want to go that deep. Iyanla states that accepting the truth and acknowledging it is the first step. Overall, people can overcome being fatherless but it takes time and patience.